| train driver: | "attention passengers, the train doors do not operate like a lift. waving your arm in closing doors will not stop them closing, they just shut more painfully.'' |
| train driver after stopping suddenly: | it looks like we have disturbed the equilibrium, because the train is on time, so there is now an undescript delay to balance it. |
| girl: | who's the t-sar? |
| friend: | it's pronounced zar, with a silent t. |
| girl: | i hate the english language. |
| friend: | it's russian. |
| girl: | gee you've got a nice tan. |
| friend: | yeah, i just lay out on my porch all summer. |
| girl: | wow, i didn't know you could drive! |
| girl: | if mouses are mice, why aren't houses hice? |
| guy: | i don't know. |
| girl: | anyway, there's some lovely hice in this area. |
| guy: | excuse me, is that seat empty? |
| girl: | yeah, and as soon as you sit there this one will be too. |
| woman at casino: | yay, let's play russian roulette. no, wait - that's the one with the gun. |
| guy: | you shouldn't talk. |
| guy: | when i play drums my dad makes me wear ear plugs so i don't lose my eyesight. |
| girl: | if this bus doesn't stop i'm going to piss my pants. |
| guy: | lucky we're on a train. |
| girl: | oh my god, my phone keeps replacing ‘slut’ with ‘pluto’. i just sent a text saying “i’m not a pluto." |
| girl1: | look, i filled my water bottle with vodka! |
| girl2: | really? |
| girl1: | please think it's cool. |